thank you guys for the feedback on my post about my mom.
it’s nice to know that even though not many f my followers on tumblr know me personally but they can still take time out of their day to say something as simple as “I’m praying for her” or ‘wishful thinking”
People have problems, including me, including you, and including my mom.
No one really wants to believe her story. But in short this is it (involving her medical problems)
When she was younger than a year old her mom (my grandma) Died, of cancer. I don’t remember quite what type it was but I know it was killing some main organs.
My Gido (grandpa in ukranian) re-married to my lovely Step-Grandmother Liz, my baba ( ukranian for grandmother).
My mom had an interesting and really radical in the worst sense, childhood.
She got together with my dad and she ended up getting pregnant at age 15. She had me just a few months after she turned 16.
While she was pregnant with me, there was fight with her and my dads landlord, at the time they were living over a piece of shit Chinese restaurant that ended up getting shut down for having un-known meat.
During the fight she ended up getting kicked down a flight of stairs. She lost her kid. She was suppose to have twins.
my dad and her eventually broke up around the time i was 2 or 3 I don’t really remember.
She then got married to my step dad Marty. She had a boy with him, Brandon my only blood sibling.
They told her around the time my brother was 2-3 that she hadcervical cancer. She wasn’t suppose to ever be able to have children.
They took her entire uterus out. Through the years we’ve had other problems involving her ovaries and the rest of her cervix. She kept developing systs and cancerous tissue. she had many surgeries for it.
She and I also have hypoglycemia. The type of diabetes that your body needs sugar. Along with many other things such as spinal problems.
My brother had many health concerns when he was little as-well, he’s better now but as a baby he almost didn’t make it, but I won’t get into that right now.
Growing up I also started learning more and more about her, her psychotic depression at points, and her bi-polar disorder. She mostly can control this now.
When i was in grade 6 we learned she had Hodgkins lymphoma. Blood cancer.
I remember coming back from summer vacation with my dad and her asking him to bring me to the backyard, it was still very beautiful out but she was a wreck. She sat me down at the table on the porch and told me, and all i could do was shake and cry. I didn’t even look at her or my dad. I just cried. My brother didn’t understand what was going on.
she went through chemotherapy and she lost all her hair. I wanted to shave my head too but I was already pretty bullied in school so i kept it…
I remember visiting her in the hospital and thinking, “I can’t do this….that’s not her…” she was tiny…. she lost so much weight in so little time. She lost her hair, she was too weak to do almost anything.
She was allowed to come home for visits after a while and she didn’t want to go outside. she hated the way she looked, she wore wigs, and fake eyebrows and for some reason my great aunts decided to come down and visit…
For the most part they made the whole family feel like shit for not taking better care of her, but i was young I didn’t know what the fuck to do. they took pictures and said “so we can look back and remember what you went through”
Why would anyone want to really remember that… she was a walking skelton…
one day rick took us all fishing and she wanted to wear Capri’s but she didn’t have the strength to shave her legs. so I did them for her. She cried the entire time… and just said “thank you” and “I’m sorry”.
things were a little bit of a blur once she came back, but she wanted to still be who she was, she wanted to go outside and she strived to try and be okay.
she would faint a lot… and black out, and sometimes in public places. She always had bruises that wouldn’t heal for a very long time. she was pale and black and blue head to toe.
it looked like someone had been beating her.
she eventually went into remission (where the cancer stays dormant/ not active). she eventually got over the hodkins. but the lymphoma stayed. we thought it was over and things were going to be okay again.
but being so afraid my brothe or I would get it we were restricted a lot.
I wasn’t allowed to dye my hair or use certain brands for hygienic’s. She was worried the chemicals would get to us.
maybe not even a half year since she got into remission the cancer relapsed. it came back full force.
Since I was older I could understand more of what was going on, and she was able to explain to me what was happening to her. How much pain she was in, how she wanted to give up…
almost every night I could I went to the hospital with rick or marty (rick is her new fiance) the only thing she liked eating were scones. so we would always pick her up her favorite green tea, and different types of scones.
At the same time my gido got the same type of cancer… they went into the same hospital together. they went weith eachother for chemo doses…and tests.
I couldn’t imagine what it would be like for a father to be dying and having to watch his daughter slowly die as well.
My Gido eventually got better, and started growing some hair back, but mom stayed stick for a long time…
she would be in and out of the hospital constantly. Brandon couldn’t come visit most of the tme because he didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation.
They ended up taking out her spleen leaving her vulnerable to pretty much anything. She has no immune system.
she came home eventually. She was still weak but things were getting better. She was better for about a year and then more happened.
She was soon diagnosed with Graves disease. aka hyperthyroidism. we were worried about he heart, her immune system everything…
and then soon after she started having problems with her left eye…
we went to a doctor and they diagnosed her with eye disease. There is fluid bulding up behind her eye, she will eventually go completly blind in that eye and possibly have the eye pop out.
she went to the cancer center here to get her check up done, and they have been finding lumps all over her body… It got me very worried so she told me she would keep me up-dated.
today she got a call back from the center and explained that it’s not a relapse of the cancer… but she now has autoimmune disease. Her body thinks that it’s a disease so it trying to attack it… causing painful inflammation among many other things. Basically, her body is tearing itself apart internally.
- - -
I don’t know when the medical problems will stop if ever… I am not only sick of the worry, the pain, the hospitals, but I’m so worried about her… And how after everything she’s going to be able to get through this.